Graveyard of Memories
by Saber Wing
Summary: I loved you. Always. Through everything, you know?


_**Author's Note: **_I must admit, I forgot about this piece for a little while; life has been hectic lately. I just now found it tucked away in one of my numerous folders and I must say, I like the turn-out. I polished it up and made sure everything was finished just now so I could publish and show it to you guys. The style is different from my usual, which is why I like it so much, I think.

In this piece, I really wanted to capture Athrun and Kira's relationship throughout their lives…and it's downfall as well. This is a bit of an AU, you see. This is what could have been if both Athrun and Kira had succeeded in killing each other in episode 31 of _Gundam Seed_. This is _not _slash, but you can view it that way if it really makes you happy :p

I hope you enjoy it. Or something. If it's tragic, can we really say, "enjoyed?" Anyway, you'll notice a lot of repetition. That is purposeful. On with the story ^_^

_**Graveyard of Memories**_

_**By: Angel Wings-008**_

I loved you.

Always. Through everything, you know? Not in a romantic way. Not even in the platonic sense that friends normally view each other. It was a bond that transcended all limitation; a brotherhood that even time itself could never wear down. It was a deep, comforting warmth burning in my heart, and there was no way I was ever going to allow _anything_ to tear that from me, no matter what. It sounds stupid, I know; like something from a bad television drama maybe, but it's true. How could I ever have known that you would become so irreplaceable to me? How could I have known that that shy little boy with the downcast, bright-eyed stare would have so much power...the power to move me when nothing else could? Of course the thought wouldn't have crossed my mind. Such things had no place there back then.

Life was so much simpler when the world was still beautiful to me; when I could just easily walk up to anyone with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. That's exactly the way things were in our early academy days. I'm sure you remember, don't you, Kira? You used to tease me about it sometimes. About the way we met. About how different I used to be.

"Why are you all the way over here? Aren't you bored by yourself?"

Those brilliant violet eyes, so frightened and soft, darted up to mine when I knelt next to you. You were sitting all by yourself in a far corner of the room, blushing with embarrassment. So painfully shy…even as a child I could tell. But you looked terribly lonely, and that was when I decided to reach out and take your hand. You were a little startled at first, but still, you didn't pull away.

I smiled. "Hi, I'm Athrun. Do you wanna be friends? C'mon, you can come play with us if you want."

After a few second's pause, your lips twitched into what could have been a smile of your own, and once again, you raised your gaze to meet mine. "I'm Kira...yeah, sure. I'd like to have a friend."

In those days, it was easy for me to come up to you, grab your hand, and guide the way. Such a harsh contrast to my reserved nature these days. Of course I never stopped to contemplate every move I made, like the way things are now. There was no need to deliberate much. It was one choice, or it was the other. Either I wanted this, or I wanted that. Black and white, no shades of gray.

Then I grew up. Sometimes I wonder exactly when everything started to get so complicated. I can't remember. When did the colors begin to fade from the sky? When did the world become the drab, bleak place that it now was to me? When did I stop caring about all of the things that truly mattered, the things that were once as vital as the blood pumping through my veins?

I don't know. I still don't. Only one thing remained constant through the changes in my life, and that was you. You were my brother, Kira. You felt the same for me too, didn't you? No matter what, we were together in the end. You were my brother, and _I loved you._

I loved you for all of the days we spent together, running around outdoors without a care in the world. I loved you when you'd come to me complaining of schoolwork that put you to sleep, and I didn't even mind when it distracted me from my own. I loved you when I found you crying your heart out in the pouring rain, held you in my arms as you seemed to break apart in my hands. You always told me how alone you felt, do you remember that? Neither of us could understand then. What true loneliness looked like.

I loved you as you sat beside me, silently enveloping me in a hug every year on my birthday when my father forgot to call. I loved you when you'd get me laughing, on all of those darker, bleaker days when I desperately needed someone to lift me up. I loved you. I _loved you. _Emotion is not my strong suit and it's hard for me to express myself properly sometimes, but there is no mistaking that, although I often don't say it out loud. As I've gotten older, my own uncertainties have driven me mad; made me bitter, cynical, always angry and always hurting. In the end the tables were turned, and you, shy little Kira, were the one leading the way for me. You accepted me flaws and all, and yes, I _loved you _for it.

So, this is for all of those times when I didn't say it. This is for all of the days I never told you what you meant to me. This is for all of the moments I passed up. Big or small. Good or bad. Maybe it would have made some sort of difference. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better. Either way, listen well. Please understand.

Even on that dreadful, fateful, _hateful _day, I loved you just the same. I loved you, even as I found myself rushing you with a sleek, black switch-blade.

What happened? I don't know. I don't know, but I wanna wake up. Just look at us now. Are you still watching, Kira? There's no way back from here. I can see you over there. Look at me. _Look at me!_

Is that pain on your face? Why? Is that a mangled, bloody stump, where your right arm used to be? That doesn't make any sense. Who did this? Who? _Who?_! 

Why are you crying, Kira? Is it because your leg is bent so far off to the left? Is it because the skin is burnt from half of your face? Red…there's so much red. But…your favorite color was blue, wasn't it?

Take my hand…just take my hand. Aren't you bored by yourself? I see the arm that's still attached reaching out for me. There are tears in those brilliant, amethyst eyes. I can see. My name is on your lips…wait…why are they closing now? You're not moving anymore. Are you sleeping? This is no time to sleep.

Look, there's red around me too. My leg is lying dormant by that tree. We match again, don't you see? This is a good thing…we don't have to fight anymore. We're free! Isn't it great? Kira, wake up. We have to celebrate.

I'm crawling…clawing, screeching my way across the ground. Everything hurts, but I'm crawling closer still…closer, closer, _closer_ through the cold graveyard of metal around us. Why won't you look up at me? Where are those violet eyes now? Where is the tenderness, the warmth that kept me sane?

Why aren't you moving? Are you no longer reaching out for me? I'm touching your hand…I'm here with you. Can't you feel me?

You're tired, aren't you? That's okay. We can sleep here, Kira. I know. It'll be just like old times. Move over, we can share the same space, and be how we used to be.

I love you. Always. Through everything, you know?


End file.
